Dear Miles, 2 months

Dear Miles,

When I was 7 months pregnant with you I received a phone call from your Papa I will never forget.  Standing in the middle of the park with your brothers and Dad, I plugged my ear and pressed the phone hard up against my other ear so I could hear what he had to say.  Tears of disbelief and panic overtook me as I listed to Papa say, "Your mom has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma."

The day you were born, your Nana had just finished up her 2nd round of chemo therapy a few days before.  As I labored with you through the night and into the morning, Nana was lying awake sick, praying us through your delivery.  Nana had to miss out on visiting us at the hospital.  She was unable to come help take care of us in the first few weeks you were home.  She didn't get to meet you until about a week after you were born.  It's been very different around here.

Your Papa reminded us all of a verse we have treasured found in Habakkuk 3:17-19.

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud  and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 

¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. ¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

In your Papa's words, " those of you who know us well, know that this passage means a great deal to us.  Verse 19 is a cry to change my feet.  When we arrive at a pathway in life that we would rather not take, rather than asking the Lord to change our path we are asking him to change our feet, to give us the feet to walk the path He has asked us to walk. "

Miles, God is teaching us a deeper faith.  One that requires pressing into God.  What I have come to trust with all my heart is that we serve a good God.  In His grace, He changes our feet to fit new paths because He has great love for us.  I pray you come to know this faithful God we serve in an intimate way. He is trustworthy and He is so good.

Now, let me tell you about all the blessings we've experienced in your 2 short months here with us.  First of all, God gave you to us. A healthy, smiley, sweet baby boy.  The biggest blessing of them all.

God brought Aunt Tammy to us our 2nd week home with you.  Oh Miles, she was the BEST.  She took care of everybody, including the house, and meals! Luke and Weston went on tons of adventures with her while I snuggled you.  We've lovingly re-named her, "Elasta-girl".  We made great memories with her and deepened our friendship.  I am so grateful for your Great Aunt Tammy! It was a complete joy and blessing to have her in our home!

After Aunt Tammy left, Aunt Jenn came to help!  Aunt Jenn loved on us and served us for a whole week.  What a treasure it was to have her with us.  We also got to celebrate your big brother Luke's 4th birthday while she was here!

While Aunt Jenn was here I started to feel a little braver so we took our first venture out together as a family in the van.   This picture is one of the first ones I took with my very first IPhone.  All three kids in in their carseats?  Check!

Another huge blessing is how much your brothers love you.  Literally, the first thing they do when they get up in the morning is run to our bedroom to see you.  Luke asks to hold you everyday and Weston squeals, "baby" in his baby eater voice.  Weston has way too much love for you.  He has hit you in the head with various objects including his own head multiple times.  We've quickly learned not to put you on the ground while Weston is awake.

We took a fantastic vacation to Michigan to see the Hoffman family.  You were just 5 weeks old!  You were such a great car rider!  Grandma and Grandpa Hoffman got to meet you and love on you.  Of course your Aunts, Uncles, and cousins loved on you too!  We had such a wonderful visit with all of them and look forward to being with them again soon.

After our time in Jackson we went to Bitely Michigan for a Kayser family vacation.  We had such a great time being all together in such a beautiful place.  We went on lots of walks, you road in a Gator, and were snuggled by everyone there!  Since Nana wasn't able to help me with your first bath we made sure she was part of one while on vacation.  You were just 6 weeks old here.  This will always be a special memory for me.

Our first family photo with all 5 of us!

During your 7th week we went to a wedding in Memphis and were able to reconnect with several great friends.  Your Dad was taking pictures all day so you and I toured around Memphis together.  I loved spending time just the two of us that day.  

And finally, one of the BEST BLESSINGS we received during your 2nd month was the news that after 4 rounds of chemo Nana's scan looked normal.  Doctor Young says the chemo is working!!!  We are praying Nana through her last 2 rounds.

God has given us new feet to fit a new path these past several months, Miles.  It has been an incredibly special and difficult time all at once.  I am so very grateful you are here and you are healthy.  I want you to know I soak up every smile, every cuddle, even your cries.  I get the privilege of holding you, comforting you, and loving you.  What a gift it is to be your Mom.